COLD LAKE – On Nov. 11, Cari Desjarlais lost her husband, while Kelsey, Hannah, Sydney and Darian lost their dad, and Cold Lake Minor Hockey lost an inspiring and passionate coach.
Darrell Desjarlais started volunteering with minor hockey in 2015, filling the role as assistant coach for his daughters' teams. Following his daughter Syndey up through the Jaguars hockey program from Atoms to Peewee, Darrell would eventually become the Jaguars U18 Midget team’s head coach.
When Darrell first got involved with Cold Lake’s minor hockey he worked alongside James Stokes, who was the head coach for the Jaguars U11 team, both had daughters on the team.
“It was clear from day one, when we first met, that he loved the game of hockey and that he was great with the girls we were coaching,” recalls Stokes.
In the roughly three years that the two coached together, Darrell’s ability to connect with players on their level and bridge the diversity of players who arrived to the team from all walks of life was unparalleled.
“He was able to help connect and bring (the girls) together to make us one unit, and that helped us in being very competitive for several years,” Stokes says, looking back.
While the pair was coaching together, the team made it to provincial championships all but one year.
Then in 2018, before Stokes received a new posting and left the Cold Lake base, the Lakeland Peewee Jaguars team that he and Darrell coached together was selected to represent Alberta in the Bell Capital Cup in Ottawa.
Competing against some of the best female Peewee AA teams in the country, the Jaguars won the tournament after finishing the round robin with five wins and zero losses. Meeting New Brunswick in the finals, the local girls ended up taking home gold after an overtime win.
Coaching the Jaguars together came naturally for the pair.
“We had a strong bond, and we shared the love of the game and the passion to pass it on to the next generation. And I think we were able to learn and draw from each other a lot,” Stokes says, adding that Darrell was always able to see different aspects of the game that that he didn’t necessarily notice.
When Stokes and Darrell pulled their different experiences together, they were able to impact the players in a positive and productive way, he says. “I think that's part of the reason that we were able to be successful. Not just on the scoreboard but also with tying that unique set of girls together.”
It was obvious to Stokes that Darrell was able to use his own experiences of playing in the rink as a way to pass down knowledge in a way that resonated with players and made it easier to learn.
“Everybody that has played sports has run into good coaches and bad coaches. (Darrell) is definitely one of those ones that I'm sure will stand out in all the girls that he coached over the years,” Stokes expressed. “And ultimately, our biggest goals were also teaching them valuable life skills, teamwork and camaraderie... I think he did a good job on that too.”
With a chuckle, Stokes says that Darrell didn’t shy away from dropping the hammer when the team’s performance called for it.
“He could come out with a little fire into the into the dressing room and light that spark in the room. Even when we were off our game, dragging our feet, he could light that fire under them and pick us up and we could walk away with that game that we should be winning.”
Over the years and coaching for several different teams, Stokes admits there have been very few coaches he has connected to the way he did with Darrell.
“He was definitely right at the top of the list of coaches I had utmost respect for."
Stokes says he is grateful that through minor hockey he had the opportunity to meet and work with Darrell and his family.
“Having coached with Darrell was very rewarding for me,” he says, adding that his only regret is that he never got to play hockey with him.
“I think we would have played really well together. When we goofed around on the ice with the girls playing a little keep away... we could keep the puck away from 14 girls,” he laughed. “You could tell for sure he was a good hockey player.”
Part dad, part coach
When Darrell was off the ice and away from the arena, his thoughts often remained on the sport he loved, says Darrell’s wife Cari, even though some days it would drive her crazy.
She says he would spend countless hours researching new drills and analyzing how he could help develop each player's skills and connect with them on their level to encourage them “to have fun, try hard and just love the game.”
Darrell lived and breathed hockey.
When Darrell became head coach, he took the opportunity to get more creative with practices and conditioning for the players. To break up on the ice practices, the team would try out different activities like spin classes, hot yoga and boxing.
“He would really try and do things other than hockey to make them a well-rounded athlete in general,” Cari explains, adding that raising four daughters, Darrell knew that if you didn't keep young players busy and interested – they looked for other things to be interested in.
“He was so enthusiastic about all of it. He would start making his line for the game two or three days in advance. He just put so much thought and heart and effort into every game and every practice preparing,” describes Cari, fighting back tears at the memory of her husband.
“It was just all his passion – everything – he loved the look on the girls faces when they scored a goal or came back in, and they would look for his approval. He'd always be there was a ‘good job’ or a ‘let's try this next time’ and he would get his board out. He just loved the game, loved coaching, loved all the girls.”
A large part of his passion was born from his own experiences growing up on the ice.
In his youth, Darrell had played with the Bonnyville Pontiacs and the St. Paul Canadiens Jr. B team.
It was only two years ago that he stopped playing for a mens' rec team. Cari explains it had more to do with a hectic schedule of coaching and having two kids playing on separate hockey teams, than wanting to retire from the sport. In the end, “Coaching his kids took precedence.”
“My girls loved him as a coach, but when he was the coach, they weren't his daughters. They were players, just like all the other girls,” she says.
Hockey games and practices aren’t the same for her daughters anymore, says Cari.
And, continuing to play hockey in the wake of Darrell's unexpected passing has been no easy feat for the Desjarlais family.
“For Sydney, it's been really hard because he has always been there, he’s always been at the practices, has always been on the ice after games, before games. They would pump each other up and talk about strategies and how it was going to go because they always rode together,” she says. “And now that's gone... It's really hard to just have silence because the hockey still goes on and the kids still go on.”
Following Darrell’s passing, Cari made the “tough love” decision to make sure her kids stuck with the sport.
“I didn't want them to miss out on too much hockey because I didn't want them to not go back because he wasn't there,” she says. “Even for me it's hard to take the kids to the rink and not see him there.”
The feeling of loss and love is felt deeply in the Jaguars and Cold Lake Minor Hockey Community.
