I recently attended an Indigenous cultural competency workshop. The speaker, Kelly Brownbill, offered actionable ways to be a better ally, not only to Indigenous people, but to minorities at large.
One thing that stuck out for me was the idea of saying “thank you” when someone corrects you on a sensitive cultural matter, rather than begging for forgiveness.
As someone who cares about speaking kindly and being inclusive, it’s engrained in me to apologize for saying the wrong thing. We could discuss at length the cultural conditioning behind this, but the bottom line is how it steers the conversation.
Brownbill explained that it makes the conversation about you and puts the other person in a position of managing your discomfort; I see now how it shifts the focus towards your embarrassment, your infraction, your explanation of your good intent, your plea to be alleviated from uncomfortable feelings.
I love the quote by Dolly Parton: “There's such a thing as innocent ignorance, and so many of us are guilty of that.”
We don’t want to suffer the discomfort of a social mistake, especially because we know our heart is in the right place.
I feel that this fear of saying the wrong thing or getting into an argument because you've offended someone is a real barrier for connections within communities.
Imagine instead you say thank you for teaching me that, thank you for correcting me, or thanks for speaking up. You might have to dig past your mortification, frustration, or panic, but if you can just say thank you, you’re making that person feel heard, modelling your good intentions, and steering the conversation towards learning, accountability, and positivity. What a classy way to handle a situation.
For me, the power of words runs deep. I love writer Don Miguel Riuz and his book The Four Agreements. One of the agreements being “be impeccable with your word.”
This may feel like it runs opposite to the opinion that our society is too polite or too politically correct - that people should be allowed to say anything without repercussions.
I feel the idea of being impeccable with your word is not about censoring yourself to fit societal politeness, but about taking the time to speak truthfully and thoughtfully to avoid needless negativity or misunderstanding. It’s not about restriction, it’s about clarity and thoughtful delivery.
The incredible research of Dr. Masaru Emoto on the effects words, thoughts, and emotions have on the crystallization of water is a fantastic illustration of why we should be impeccable with our word.
The Emoto study showed the beautiful and symmetrical patterns of crystallized water that had been exposed to loving words and thoughts, and the jagged, chaotic, and unsymmetrical patterns of crystallized water exposed to hateful words and thoughts.
With humans being made of around 60 per cent water, it’s interesting to imagine the impact of our words on each other through the lens of the Emoto study.
A particularly beautiful crystallization pattern was from the word “thank you.”